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Canada Has Plan to Build Border Wall

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau held a press conference today to
assure his people that the government has a contingency plan in place to
quickly build a fence along the entire southern border in the event that
Donald Trump is elected President of the U.S.

The Prime Minister said, "We're afraid that we could have a large wave of
American refugees, fleeing out of fear of what might happen during a Trump
presidency. Our society simply cannot handle such a large influx of
Americans, overtaxing our free health care system. If we don't control who is
coming across our border, before you know it our nation could be awash with
handguns and burger stands."

When asked he stated, "No, we won't be asking the Americans to pay for it."
China Blows Smog Out to Sea

They look like giant-sized wind turbines, but they are actually using
electricity, not making it. China has placed hundreds of these giant
fans at strategic locations throughout the eastern countryside. The
idea is to create continuous wind currents that will suck smog out of
Beijing and other large cities and blow it out over the Pacific Ocean.

A South Korean spokesman denounced the program, saying that,
"China is trying to blow its smoke in our face." In response they are
building a series of massive leafblower-like contraptions along their
Trump's First Rug on Display at Smithsonian

A spokesman for the Smithsonian Institute in Washington DC
announced today that they have acquired Donald Trump's very first
toupee and will display it as part of their "Hair Throughout History"
exhibit, alongside George Washington's powdered wig and Hitler's
mustache. According to the spokesman, Harry Topay, "We received
the piece from a private collector who wishes to remain anonymous,
but we're 100% certain of its authenticity. It was the first hairpiece   
that Mr. Trump ever purchased, way back when he was merely a
struggling millionaire. It looks much the same as his current piece,   
but back then they didn't possess the preservation and fire retardant
technologies we have today, so we have to store and display it very

When reached for comment, Trump said, "I have never worn a
hairpiece of any kind, but if I did it should have its own display in the
Miley Cyrus to Perform in Pakistan

Pakistani concert promoter Majeed Asif announced today that he
has scheduled a date for Miley Cyrus’ Bangerz tour to appear in
Karachi this summer. “I am so pleased to make this  
announcement,” said Asif. “I have immensely enjoyed her Hannah
Montana shows for years. This is just the type of wholesome
entertainment we need to bridge the gap between our cultures    
and show the people of Pakistan that not everything American is